East London School to Introduce Knife Fighting to Curriculum

by Danny SoZ

A secondary school in the East London district of Whitechapel will be teaching youngsters rudimentary knife fighting skills as part of its curriculum when the new Autumn term begins in September.

The headteacher claims that a basic knowledge of handling a blade in a confrontation is a vital life skill that will serve pupils well when involved in local turf wars or when trying to defend themselves from assailants trying to take their phones or steal their motor scooters.

Toby Dell, 45, headteacher of Sir Alfred Garnet School in Commercial Road, told us: “Youngsters today need supplementary skills to run in conjunction with basics like English, science and mathematics.

“We don’t want to send our pupils out into the world without at least a basic knowledge of how to handle a shank.

“We aim to equip all our pupils with the requisite knife fighting skills to badly wound, or, if necessary, even kill, an adversary during an armed confrontation.

“The parents and governors are fully behind the move. Indeed, some of the dads have volunteered to give up their spare time to instruct some of the less able kids on how to use their weapons to maximum effect without causing death and thereby incurring a subsequent life sentence in jail.”

The innovative move comes just 2 weeks after an infants school in neighbouring Shadwell started giving pupils in the nursery group basic lessons in handling small arms and plastic explosives.






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