Gay Soldier Discovered In British Army

The whole fabric and tradition of the British Army was in turmoil yesterday when it was announced that a gay soldier had been found amongst the ranks of the finest fighting force in the world.

Major Arnold Hargreaves, the Armed Forces Press Officer told Dafty News: “The news has spread fast amongst the lower ranks and it has caused much upset and bewilderment that such a person has been serving Queen and country while parking his bike in the back alley.”

Chief of Staff, Brigadier General Sir Johnny Harmsworth, led the hunt for the gay soldier after a tip-off from a hairdresser in Aldershot. He told us: “I contacted the SAS and asked their top intelligence officer to find this bum bandit and bring him to book, I’m not having some limp-wristed pansy playing soldiers in my army! I dread to think what he has been doing in the showers?!”

SAS Intelligence Officer, Sgt Hue Lewie, however, indicated that he was not altogether happy with the arrest of this soldier. “Now look here. This chappie may be a left-handed batsman, but he’s still one of the most highly decorated men in the history of the British Army.”

Sgt Billy Tracy from the military police told of the soldier’s arrest last week: “When we arrested him at his house, he came to the door dressed in women’s clothing and a blond wig. Despite explaining he had been rehearsing for the children’s hospital pantomime, our commanding officer shot him.”

The Government issued the following statement last night:

“Britain’s armed forces are the finest in the world and we do not discriminate against race, colour or creed. However, we do draw the line at taking on poofs and lezzers.”




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