Gemini Horrorscopes for 2016


Bite the bullet and swallow the medicine this year. Do all those things and you will be safe. Who you think you love will turn out to be a fraud and a fake of the highest order. All that pre-pillow talk is just a way of expressing what relationships really are: an invasion of our own space and a violation of our privacy. The beginning of any relationship is like being blindfolded and having to sit at a table with a cake in front of you that you have no idea what that cake is. Once you take that first bite it tastes oh, so good but then after a while you are completely full, gone off that cake and soon you could go into an empty room and throw up!


Life has many challenges for you in 2016 but it is wise to know this and do not get distracted by the amount of positivity through media channels, Christmas DVDs that help you how to live a better life and please do stay clear of those God-awful celebrity fitness DVDs as well. They are only there to give you the illusion you can look and feel like them and remember the phrase: NOTHING SELLS BETTER THAN HOPE. It will keep you right, believe me. January will be a continuation of December but with so many lows you might need some backache pain killers to help you through. All you will be doing is picking up the pieces of someone else’s self-inflicted misfortunes and things don’t really pick up until April 2106. However, by that time your back will be so crooked you will stop to any low just to get a result. May until August sees you in a new light and you will be thinking to yourself, “Why didn’t I see that before?” Answer: because not only were you blind in love, you were also deaf because you clearly didn’t listen! Steffi always tells the truth.


The very word career gives us the feeling we can reach for the stars. How wrong that is. The ones who make it in this life are either lucky or know people. Talent holds no place for those who want to have a career in something you love. How many people out there are extremely talented but don’t get anywhere? I rest my case, your honour. Just work your socks off for someone else and don’t expect any rewards. As long as you can pay the bills on time and manage through life’s reality then that is a career in itself.

All about Geminis:

Your twin is really a deep-rooted personality disorder but you do well to hide behind it. Doubling up doesn’t make you twice as strong. It actually makes you half the person you should be. Geminis are notorious for their love of parties and you are top of the charts when it comes to taking part in things you wish you hadn’t, the very next day. Gemini men and women are champions in regret. Especially the morning after.




Use Facebook to Comment on this Post

Sign up to the Dafty News newsletter
Sign up to our newsletter to receive behind-the-scenes stuff no-one else gets to see. It's completely FREE! Just pop your E-mail address in the box below and you'll be taken to the inside. See you there!
Dafty News

Dafty News

Parody & Satire News Channel