Santa laughs off potential diabetes claims after millions get set to leave out mince pies and chocolate biscuits

by Dafty News

With just hours to go before Santa Claus makes his journey around the globe, fears for his health have escalated after the Diabetes & Alcohol Warning Group issued a plea to parents to leave out a healthier option as he delivers presents to their children.

A spokesperson for the group told Dafty News early this morning: “Santa is clearly bordering on the cusp of diabetes with his ever-expanding waistline. This is clearly all down to parents leaving him treats such as milk, mince pies, chocolate biscuits and lots of beer.

“Look at his reindeer, they are all in great shape because they eat a healthy carrot snack. It does say a lot about what is good for you and what is bad for you.”

Santa laughed off any such suggestion by issuing the following statement ahead of his late night travels:

“This health organization are talking absolute bollocks. Nobody sees me during the whole year. You only get to see me when I’ve gained a few pounds but from January all the way through until the end of the year I actually go to the gym and eat healthily.

“I am a member of a local Lapland CrossFit team and I play lots of five-a-side football.

“I only look like this at Christmas to make the kids feel secure. With me being fat and looking really unhealthy and out of condition, it makes the wee ones recognize me as one.”

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